I can consider myself very lucky that I have a lot of sweet and warm friends around me. I can count my ‘real’ friends more than on two hands and I still have a lot of friendships with whom I also have a lot of genuine contacts. But that doesn’t always happen automatically, you have to be open to it and put energy into it. Today I tell you how I maintain and experience my friendships.
KNOW YOUR FRIENDS
Perhaps this is the first and the best tip, know your friends. You have different friends for everything. With one you have deep conversations, with the other, you hang out late in town with a drink, the other you mainly see in the gym and some you see with everything. By now your friends I mean, know how you deal with them and when. For example, I have friends with whom I can talk very well but really don’t have to go to the pub. So do with those friends what the other feels comfortable with and don’t force anything. So find an activity that makes you feel good together and you’ll be fine.
KEEP IN CONTACT
One friend you see every week and the other maybe months. I’m lucky that almost all my friends live in Zwolle and I actually see them quite often. Almost all of us have no children and that is why it is very easy to make an appointment. But we also like to make time for each other. Keeping in touch in a friendship is very important. You can of course do this in different ways. You can meet each other by going to do something, but nowadays you can also easily stay in touch via social media or whatsapp. Whatsapp is of course the easiest and fastest. With the group of friends, we have a group app that is actually always alive. With friends, I have separate apps that are nice about women’s things and with other groups, I also have group apps.
SHOW INTEREST
Friendship has to come from both sides, I think that’s very important. I like to put energy into someone but it also has to come back. I have to say that it doesn’t always go well for me, but I try. If I happen to see something on social media from a friend that I don’t see every day, I try to respond, congratulate, or something like that. I know that the person is having a hard time, I try to ask about that. If the other person has a new job, ask how things are going. If someone goes on holiday, wish them a happy holiday. These are all small things that are greatly appreciated in a friendship.
BE YOURSELF
I am someone who makes friends easily and adapts quickly. But still, I am someone that not everyone could be friends with. I am a very present person if I like you and you should really appreciate my sense of humor. I like to fool people and above all act very crazy. I know shame to a certain extent and above all, I have a lot of fun. If I can’t be with someone it becomes difficult for me, I must be able to be myself and express myself. And I expect the same from someone else. Don’t adapt to want or be able to be my friend, it has to happen ‘by itself’ because otherwise, it will be really difficult.
ACCEPT EACH OTHER
The better you become friends with someone, the better you get to know someone. Some friends I really know through and through. In the beginning, you mainly see the nice sides, but after a while, you also get to know the lesser sides of someone. Are you willing to accept that person completely and also the lesser sides of it? That is certainly not always easy, but it is very important in a friendship. For example, I know some friends who can be very sharp or direct, or some people do things that I don’t always agree with. I leave those people in their value and accept that. Talk about it if it really bothers me and moves on. Because the other also accept me and we have a good relationship, this never results in a conflict.
SPEAK WHAT YOU EXPECT FROM EACH OTHER
Maybe this isn’t something everyone does and neither am I, but it can bring a lot of clarity. You do expect one friend to be at your hospital bed and the other not or a card. I’m just citing this as an example, but then you kind of get what I mean. You have best friends, close friends and friends. Suppose something happens to me that makes me (just approachable but it’s annoying) end up in the hospital, then not everyone is immediately next to my bed. But, you expect that from some. Honestly, I’d expect my close-knit group of friends to come visit me and I’d really hate it if they didn’t come (for no reason). But I don’t expect friends that I speak less, such as school, at my bedside.
MAKE TIME FOR EACH OTHER
All these tips are very nice, but I think it is very important to make sincere time for each other and we sometimes forget that. Sometimes I also find it difficult to meet up with friends from my group of friends individually when you have such good conversations. We almost always meet up together and then talk about everything, but real serious conversations with 10 people is sometimes quite difficult, that comes with one-on-one conversations, so really make time for each other. Go do something fun, invite them to your home, play a game and make it up.
With such a list it seems very easy to make and maintain friendships, but it really isn’t. I am a very insecure person on my own and find it very difficult. But I do want to go for it and apply these methods as much as possible and try to do it well in my own way. I am someone you can laugh with and have a good time with and make friends quite quickly, but then I have to have the mutual idea. If I don’t, I lock myself out and actually close the door. It is also a matter of finding the right people who suit you or who want to accept you as you are. My friends almost all come from the same ‘street’ where I come from and that is why it almost all runs so well. How do you maintain your friendships do you find it difficult or not at all? I’d love to hear it and I’m very curious about your findings.
