If you’re looking for a way to improve your romantic relationship, you probably don’t look to single people for inspiration. Still, there is something you can learn from your single friends.
“For a better marriage, act as a single person,” writes author and history and family educator Stephanie Coontz on the New York Times website. According to Coontz, there are more singles today than ever and we are getting married at a much later age. And so there is quite a lot to learn from the behavior of the single.
Strong social network
Singles generally have a larger social network than couples, who are more likely to withdraw from the relationship. On average, a single person has more frequent contact with friends, neighbors and colleagues and is more often a member of clubs and (political) organizations.
This social integration is essential for health: a weak social network poses an even greater risk of early death than obesity, writes Coontz. An analysis of 148 health studies proves that: in people with a large network of social contacts, the risk of dying was as much as 50 percent less than in people with a weak or no network.
But what do these numbers have to do with a successful relationship?
The thing is, if you’re in a relationship or marriage, there’s a danger that you’ll see that relationship as a substitute for your social network and other interests. However, finding the right one doesn’t mean it’s smart to dilute your social contacts. It is precisely the people who have had a very ‘successful’ social existence as a single person who ultimately has the happiest marriages. And it’s all about those social contacts and maintaining them.
You are my everything
Not only does a strong social network provide indispensable support in the event of a divorce or the death of your partner; it therefore also produces a better, more vital relationship. It is therefore a missed opportunity that many relationship therapists only focus on the two people in a relationship, and not on the social contacts with others outside that relationship, says Coontz.
People in a relationship who socialize more with friends not only reduce the risk of depression symptoms for themselves, but automatically do so for their partner as well. And if your partner has good friendships, it makes you feel better.
For example, happy women who have conflict in their relationship feel more connected and attracted to their partner when they have the opportunity to open their hearts to a friend. So it’s not such a bad idea to complain about those relationship issues .
Social psychologist Benjamin Karney also emphasizes the importance of good social contacts. According to him, ‘You are my everything’ is not the best recipe for a happy marriage. “Even for the happiest couples, there is plenty to gain from maintaining good connections outside of their relationship,” he says.
So: are you in a relationship and have a date planned? A double date is worth considering.
